Faces of Khodayar

Poem for Khodayar

Dear Khodayar
let me call you by your name again.
Again I remember the day of your death
and how it was orchestrated.

The rain falls into the enormous ocean
and the tears and suffering that were thrust onto you
are evident.
My knee pains and I feel a flush rising on my face.
"Cruel treatments" and "false slogans of humanity"
blotted out your life -
three years ago today.
To answer those lies and that violence
I take up this pen;
to defy a government, to deny this heartless nation.
Whose conscience hides from the face of the sky.

And all around this place are ringed vicious reefs -
nauseated like teeth.
Hungry for hapless bodies like yours.

Khodayar, I wish the wind could touch your face
I wish the sun could wake you from this sleep.
I know no more than the birds of the air,
than the ants that burrow the earth.
I witness what you discovered
and told to us
with your last words.
I too find I must stand with love
until my body is undone -
vast anger and tenderness
will never leave us alone.

18.10.18

38th letter to Khodayar

Dear Khodayar, I was asked by a friend when we could all be together again and I immediately thought of you. I wanted to tell her “We can never be all together. Khodayar has been killed. He will never be with us. His absence will persist for as long as time.”

And I don’t think just of you Khodayar. I think of the absences of all the dead – particularly those who were cheated out of life. I think of all those who can never be with us. I miss you all. I recognise in all of you a part of my self. I love you all.

I carry the memory of all of you. This is an infinite thing to carry. Each life is an infinite thing and should never be cut short by another person’s hand. But many lives are dishonoured and destroyed. This was done to you Khodayar. The job for us who call ourselves human, who choose to reaffirm humanity with our lives, is to not leave behind the murdered and the silenced, but to bring you with us in our hearts and minds. You explained this to us Khodayar. Our job is to feel the connections that deeply exist between all of us and to not deny love. To look into your eyes sith the steady gaze of a child. Love Stephen

37th letter to Khodayar Amini

Dear Khodayar, I am cooking zucchinis and looking at the distant ocean, thinking of you. It was that ocean that you found a way to pass over but you were unable to find a way into our hearts. That cost you your life. We sealed our hearts against you and sentenced you to death. We refused to call you a human being; we refused to call you our brother. We betrayed you. You are a human being, you are our brother. Our lies never changed any of these facts. Our treachery will never make any sense.

I wish I could say to you “never again”. I wish I could say that no one will ever again be killed for being a refugee, that no one will ever again be killed for the colour of their skin. But we are still doing it Khodayar! We still close our hearts to others – we still smear our lips with lies – we still sentence our sisters and brothers to death. So I can only say to you “over and over again, with tears”. With tears Khodayar. These tears have meaning in the midst of a great barreness. They are facts in a sewer of lies. But they are so cheap compared to the value of your life, and my life, and all our lives.

The ocean is cold in winter and warm in summer. Creatures pass across it to find food and to breed and to stay alive. Will we find safety when we cross over to the other shore? Love Stephen