Letter 24 to Khodayar

Dear Khodayar you have stepped into my life and turned everything on its head. You have taught me to see this country as a refugee does, to hear this language I speak with different ears. Now there is no going back for me. What I know from your words I can never un-know. You have widened my mind and you have opened my heart. My safe house where I lived before, is now an infinite sky with winter rain. Your words are so compelling that you did this to me – I could not resist. You, who are so human, insisted that my own humanity must grow. And you continue to insist and so my humanity must expand even more in the manner you have shown. This is not easy, this is not predictable, this journey you lead me on. I struggle to understand what is happening and where to put my feet. But the certainties I used to reside in are not there anymore. They are destroyed – not by your words but rather by the inevitable knowledge that your words bring. So I have to search for where to be amidst this confusion in my world. I have to continue in your example. What is known can never be un-known. Love Stephen Clendinnen