40th letter poem for Khodayar

The moon burns a hole

through which we can get through.

Night sky,

goodbye to these sorrows

to this pain and dragging time.

Cuts on each of my fingers

chronicle the gaps in life.

Compassion wasted

behind fences built too high to climb.

Why do you say no?

To us again and again?

Is this stain,

insecurity,

compulsive menacing

yours?

Who do you say no to?

Time for us to leave.

For a generous heart
to find a new start.

The way to a place of loving

up there,

calling - round and bright.

29.3.19 

Faces of Khodayar

Poem for Khodayar

Dear Khodayar
let me call you by your name again.
Again I remember the day of your death
and how it was orchestrated.

The rain falls into the enormous ocean
and the tears and suffering that were thrust onto you
are evident.
My knee pains and I feel a flush rising on my face.
"Cruel treatments" and "false slogans of humanity"
blotted out your life -
three years ago today.
To answer those lies and that violence
I take up this pen;
to defy a government, to deny this heartless nation.
Whose conscience hides from the face of the sky.

And all around this place are ringed vicious reefs -
nauseated like teeth.
Hungry for hapless bodies like yours.

Khodayar, I wish the wind could touch your face
I wish the sun could wake you from this sleep.
I know no more than the birds of the air,
than the ants that burrow the earth.
I witness what you discovered
and told to us
with your last words.
I too find I must stand with love
until my body is undone -
vast anger and tenderness
will never leave us alone.

18.10.18

38th letter to Khodayar

Dear Khodayar, I was asked by a friend when we could all be together again and I immediately thought of you. I wanted to tell her “We can never be all together. Khodayar has been killed. He will never be with us. His absence will persist for as long as time.”

And I don’t think just of you Khodayar. I think of the absences of all the dead – particularly those who were cheated out of life. I think of all those who can never be with us. I miss you all. I recognise in all of you a part of my self. I love you all.

I carry the memory of all of you. This is an infinite thing to carry. Each life is an infinite thing and should never be cut short by another person’s hand. But many lives are dishonoured and destroyed. This was done to you Khodayar. The job for us who call ourselves human, who choose to reaffirm humanity with our lives, is to not leave behind the murdered and the silenced, but to bring you with us in our hearts and minds. You explained this to us Khodayar. Our job is to feel the connections that deeply exist between all of us and to not deny love. To look into your eyes sith the steady gaze of a child. Love Stephen

37th letter to Khodayar Amini

Dear Khodayar, I am cooking zucchinis and looking at the distant ocean, thinking of you. It was that ocean that you found a way to pass over but you were unable to find a way into our hearts. That cost you your life. We sealed our hearts against you and sentenced you to death. We refused to call you a human being; we refused to call you our brother. We betrayed you. You are a human being, you are our brother. Our lies never changed any of these facts. Our treachery will never make any sense.

I wish I could say to you “never again”. I wish I could say that no one will ever again be killed for being a refugee, that no one will ever again be killed for the colour of their skin. But we are still doing it Khodayar! We still close our hearts to others – we still smear our lips with lies – we still sentence our sisters and brothers to death. So I can only say to you “over and over again, with tears”. With tears Khodayar. These tears have meaning in the midst of a great barreness. They are facts in a sewer of lies. But they are so cheap compared to the value of your life, and my life, and all our lives.

The ocean is cold in winter and warm in summer. Creatures pass across it to find food and to breed and to stay alive. Will we find safety when we cross over to the other shore? Love Stephen

All cruelty is meaningless - 36th letter to my friend

Dear Khodayar, all cruelty is meaningless. Can I apologise for the cruelty that was done to you when you were alive? Those cruelties lacked any meaning and they shouldn’t have happened – not to you, not to anybody. I apologise for the cruelty in the world; for this meaningless cruelty that we do to each other. Our job is to create meaning in this world, to tell stories about what we care about and to fill life with love and humour.

I am learning so much. I am figuring things out for myself, I am being told about life by you and the others. I am discovering what has meaning for me and what doesn’t. I am forced to make choices about what my values are. Betrayed by one of those closest to me I must heal myself.

Dear Khodayar all cruelty is meaningless. A cruel act tears the web of meaning that joins us all together. It deletes the music of relatedness between you and me. Don’t let me be cruel to others, Khodayar. Don’t let them be cruel to me. I will not descend into that pit of craziness – I will not forget the meaningfulness of your words. Khodayar I stand close to you as you make your Final Statement. ALL CRUELTY IS MEANINGLESS. Love Stephen

The Manus letter

Dear Khodayar, as I write to you the refugees on Manus Island are digging wells in the ground in the hope of finding water. The court has said that the prison is illegal so all the guards have left, but before they went they cut the water pipes and removed the generators. There are about 600 men abandoned in the old gaol without food and water. Many of them are sick.

Local people try to bring them food and medicine but the soldiers outside the fences say they will shoot at any one who does. The soldiers intercept the boats and cars that come from Lorengau and arrest people bringing relief. The refugees are without power and lighting and are begging for help in their sorry plight. They ask for the UNHCR (United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees) to come to their aid; for Red Crescent or Red Cross to save them; for MSF (Medecins Sans Frontieres) to keep alive the sick and the injured. They do not want to move into the new prisons that Australia has built near by. They want to escape from their torment on Papua New Guinea to somewhere that is safe.

They don’t want to be beaten anymore, nor hacked with machetes. They refuse to be left to die through medical neglect as has happened to their friends. They reject the illegal prisons that are designed to harm them, where they have been locked for so many years. Nevermore. Love Stephen